Test Results

Game night.

Ruined.

If you read my last post, you know that I was planning to wear a skirt and pantyhose while we had guests over for a game night.

When Larissa came home, I was already wearing the skirt / hosiery. She didn't say anything as we finished getting the house ready for our guests. Only when I was going to take a nap did Larissa bring up my attire. Specifially, she asked what I was going to wear for the game night. I told her I intended to wear what I was wearing at that time, at which time Larissa LOST. HER. SHIT.

It would have been one thing if she had politely objected and requested that I wear traditional "guy" clothes. What she did was entirely different. She proceeded to enumerate the various ways she has "progressed" in her tolerance of my crossdressing. TOLERANCE!

This continued for 15 minutes and ended with me promising her that "I will wear whatever the fuck you decide is appropriate for me to wear in my own home, surrounded by people who have seen me wear these kinds of things before."

I went to take my nap and, to nobody's great surprise, I couldn't fall asleep.

I Do Not Want To Live This Way!

Over a year ago, Larissa agreed that I should dress any way I like while at home. There was no stipulation as to whether or not there would be other people at our house, and what effect the presence of other people would be upon this agreement. Suffice to say, it seems like Larissa likes to change the rules of this agreement depending on her mood at any given time.

I wonder if now would be a good time to tell her (or ask her fucking permission) that I would like to wear a skirt to my family's Christmas Eve gathering. I don't expect that to turn out any more favorably for me than the game night did.

I realize she's making changes, and coming to grips with my quirky fashion sense. I also realize that every stride she's made has come as a result of me basically shoving it down her throat. I wear pantyhose at home almost every night, often choosing non-nude shades (I have a black pair from the Dollar store I'm particularly fond of) just so she'll see it and get used to it.

I'll keep doing what I do and hoping she'll miraculously embrace this side of my personality some day.

A Simple Test

Tonight, Larissa and I are having people over for a "game night". Only a few people, mind you. My brother & sister, Larissa's best friend, Alexis (not her real name, of course), and my bestest GG friend and crossdressing enabler, Gail.

Larissa doesn't know that I came out to Alexis over a year ago, and that Alexis has seen me in full femme presentation. This is something that Alexis and I agreed would probably elicit a violently negative reaction from Larissa, whose greatest fear (with regard to my fashion choices) is that someone she knows will see me wearing something feminine and somehow think badly of her for associating with me. Well, lo and behold, Alexis knows, has seen and doesn't think any less of Larissa as a result, proving my point that people by and large just don't give a damn what other people wear or how they choose to present themselves.

I got home earlier from work than Larissa today. In fact, she's still on her way home as I type this post. As I'm so oft to do, as soon as I got home, I stripped out of my work clothes and slipped into panties and pantyhose. Today I opted to put on a skirt as well (very tasteful, in fact rather boring to be honest with you). I then proceeded to take out the trash (Oh dear! What if the neighbors see me in a skirt? Pfffftf!) and sweep all the tile floors in the house. I feel more industrious when I dress as I like, so there's that.

Anyway, I would usually dispense with whatever skirt or dress I'm wearing upon Larissa's arrival home, wearing shorts over my femme hosiery. Today, however, I have no intention of doing so. The plan is to finish getting ready for guests to come over and take a nap until about half an hour before the event starts. I usually sleep in just panties and pantyhose, so I'll strip off the skirt before hopping into bed. I do, however, intend to put the skirt right back on when I get up from my nap, and keep it on throughout the night, in full view of everyone who has already seen me wear dresses, skirts, makeup and much more.

Of course, I expect Gail to be very happy to see me, skirt or no, so...

I expect Larissa to bring this up, saying that Alexis has never seen me in a skirt or sheer (and in this case, rather glossy...yum!) hosiery before, and that she'd like to keep it that way. At this point, when it's far too late to cancel the event, I'll confess to Larissa that Alexis knows all about my odd tendencies, having gone so far as to join me on a GNO (Girls' Night Out) at a gay club to see the full spectacle, and that Alexis is 100% unfazed by it. Larissa will ask how Alexis ever found out, and that will be easy to explain as people in bars tend to have loose lips, and more than a few bar folk are in on my not-so-secret secret. Oh, I dunno, Tits McGee may have told her, or Mouthy McBlabbermouth may have spilled the beans. Regardless, Alexis knows, has seen, and still associates with both of us as her friends. That should be proof enough to Larissa that it's not the huge problem she's fleshed it out to be. The world is full of people who haven't the time or attention span to care about how a person dresses.

I just hope I have the courage to follow through with this...

Thrift Store Find

I found these "royal" blue stockings at a thrift store yesterday. It's no secret that I prefer pantyhose, but these stockings were just the right shade of blue, and I felt inspired to take a few photos with them.

Please excuse that these are only photos of my legs. I prefer to include my face, but time was short, so I was unable to apply makeup or other feminine effects.

To Be or Not To Be

Out, that is...

For the second time in as many weeks, Larissa will be spending tomorrow night out of town. These opportunities are quite rare, which makes me feel like I need to dress up and go out.

Like last week, I have to work the next day, and really shouldn't be out late.

And of course, I have a long list of tasks to complete tomorrow to stay on track to earning my daily / weekly rewards...

I feel like I'm really back on track with my tasks / rewards scheme, so the responsible thing to do would be to stay home and get those tasks knocked out, slip into some sheer hosiery and take it easy at home.

So I guess that's the plan. Larissa doesn't spend many nights away, but she does indulge me when I decide to have a GNO (Girls' Night Out), so it isn't like I won't have another opportunity to venture out. Truth be told, I was out just a week ago, and I had an amazing time with some truly wonderful friends. I shouldn't be greedy. Another night out this soon would probably be a letdown after last week's adventure.

If I have time after I finish my chores tomorrow, maybe I'll put on some makeup, try on a few different outfits and take some photos. Would anyone be interested in seeing them?

Marika's Fun Night Out

With Larissa out of town for the night, and despite already having worked 12 hours, I decided to let Marika off the chain for a couple hours

For the first time in, well, forever, I applied my own makeup and was really pleased with how it turned out.

I'd love to go into detail about the night, but I have to be up for work in less than 4 hours, so I'll leave you with these lovely photos and bid you all a good night.

I LOVE Getting New Dresses!

Short post today!

My lace dress arrived just a few moments ago, and I couldn't wait to try it on....and it fits very well!

Seeing as though I have already "earned" this dress, I'll most likely wear it out to the club this Friday night.

Review: Hanes Perfect Nudes Pantyhose

In my last post, I teased a review of my absolute favorite ultra-sheer pantyhose, Hanes Perfect Nudes. So here we are, ladies and girls!

Hanes Perfect Nudes

Most people in the USA are familiar with the Hanes brand. They've been selling pantyhose here for longer than I've been alive. In the time that I've been wearing (and buying) pantyhose, I've found their offerings to be quite good, if a little on the pricy side.

The Basics

At $10 a pair (a package deal Kohl's offers when buying 3 pair), Perfect Nudes are on the higher end of department store pantyhose brands. Having said that, they are what they claim to be. They're very sheer, very soft and moisture-wicking, which means no sweaty legs even when it's really hot outside.

Fit

Standing 5'7" tall and weighing in at a svelte 190 lbs, I usually fall right on the borderline of most pantyhose sizes, but that's not the case with the Perfect Nudes. Their size "1X/2X" fits me just right. They're not too tight and they're not always falling down. They fit so well, in fact, that a few minutes after putting them on, I completely forget I'm wearing them. That is of course assuming I don't rip multiple holes in them in the process of putting them on (the pair I'm wearing now has 3 holes in it because I rushed to put them on and didn't cover the rough skin on my hands beforehand).

It's safe to say that the Perfect Nudes run true to size

Finish

What can I say about the finish on these pantyhose other than it's absolutely perfect? They have a very nice matte finish and the color distribution is flawless. If you buy them in a shade close to your own skin tone, they practically disappear on your legs. The first time I wore them in front of Larissa, she didn't realize I was wearing pantyhose until I pinched them and pulled them away from my skin to show her. The shade "transparent" is as close to invisible on my legs as any hosiery I've ever worn. Of course, in the summer, my legs are darker, so the next darker shade ("buff") would probably look better.

Observations

As I mentioned above, these are EXTREMELY delicate pantyhose. They will rip and run (ladder for those not in the USA) if you even look at them sideways. Seriously!

All I did was put these ultra-delicate pantyhose on my legs, as I've done with hundreds of pair of pantyhose in the past, and this happened (there are 2 more holes, but decency prohibits me from sharing photos of them). I'll call it a $10 lesson in taking my time and preparing properly.

Also, Perfect Nudes are, without a question or doubt, the softest pantyhose I've ever worn. I'll wear this pair to bed several times before they're too shredded to wear anymore, and I'll sleep like a baby in them!

Conclusion

Overall, I really love these pantyhose. They're super soft and super comfortable, and they look absolutely wonderful on my legs. If you can (unlike me) show some restraint and handle them very delicately, I whole-heartedly recommend buying them (Link). If you buy them, I recommend buying 3 pair at a time from Kohl's, bringing the price down to $10 per pair, about half of what you'd pay for them on Amazon.

Another Unintentional Purchase

I explained in my last post how I'm using crossdressing as an incentive to be more productive. Thus far it has worked perfectly. Every week, if I complete all my tasks for the entire week, I reward myself with a little something extra. The weekly reward for this week is a black lace dress...

It's a beautiful dress and I'm looking forward to wearing it on a future GNO (Girls' Night Out). In fact, I may wear it out this Friday evening if everything goes right.

Anyway, a few hours after I ordered the dress from Amazon, I received an email from Amazon, alerting me that an item from one of my lists was a "lightning deal" for the next few hours.

So here I sit, typing a blog post, wearing this dress:

Don't get me wrong, the dress is wonderful and fits me perfectly. The problem is that I didn't earn this dress. I earned the lace dress by completing all my tasks last week. I had already decided that this week's reward would be a garter belt, and next week's reward would be 3 pair of metallic stockings. So I'm faced with a dilemma here. Do I accept this purple dress as this week's reward (if I earn the weekly reward this week) and push the garter belt and stockings off a week, or do I take this dress off and refuse to allow myself to wear it until I have properly earned it? I love this dress. The fact that I'm still wearing it is a testament to just how much.

I think the proper thing to do would be to keep the dress, but not wear it until it has been properly earned. I have to have discipline. Buying this dress was a slip in my discipline, and I shouldn't reward myself for that. Of course, there's no way I'm sending this dress back. It will hang in my closet until such time as I believe I deserve to wear it.

</rant>

By the way, the Hanes Perfect Nudes pantyhose in "True Black" arrived today as well. Shall I review them for you? Ask (or don't, it is the same price) and ye shall receive! My Perfect Nudes review will be posted tomorrow morning at 9:00 Central (US) Time.

Somewhat related: If I were to start a YouTube channel where I reviewed different brands and styles of hosiery (as a man), would you be interested in watching? Please comment and let me know. It's an idea I've been playing with.

Bought Pantyhose Again!

I'm addicted to pantyhose. I think I've established that pretty well in my previous posts. They're just so soft and silky and wonderful!

I already own anywhere from 30 - 100 pair of pantyhose in various styles and shades. I honestly don't have an exact count because they're EVERYWHERE in my bedroom. Sure, I have a special drawer in my lingerie cart dedicated to pantyhose and tights, but it can't hold the whole collection, so there are pantyhose in my nightstand, pantyhose in almost every drawer of my dresser...hell, there are even 6 pair of brand new Hanes Silk Reflections Silky Sheer pantyhose sitting in the end table drawer next to my couch!

With all the various pantyhose I own, there is no good reason to buy more pantyhose.

So I bought more pantyhose

It started off innocently enough! My project was simply to buy new sandals (slides, actually) from Kohl's. I bought 3 pair of Under Armour slides (2 black & pink - one for me and one for Larissa, and one black and white - for me when I'm out in public with Larissa). Kohl's has a sale on the Under Armour slides, so all 3 came up to $74 and some change. Kohl's offers free shipping orders over $75. Do you see where I'm going here? Faced with the option of paying for shipping (I'm genetically predisposed to avoid this) and ordering one more item, it was a no brainer. But what to order?

Oh hey, wait a minute! Kohl's has those buttery-soft, ultra-sheer Hanes Perfect Nudes pantyhose, that I enjoy wearing immensely, at 3 pair for $30! I've never tried them in black, so...now I have 3 pair of Under Armour slides and 3 pair of black Perfect Nudes en route.

I have a sickness, folks. I'm addicted to not only wearing pantyhose, but to buying new pantyhose. In my own defense, those Perfect Nudes are super fragile. I have a pair I often wear to bed, because they have several holes in them. I never did anything strenuous in them, mind you. They're just very fragile. If you look at them the wrong way, a hole materializes in them. If only they weren't so addictively soft and comfy!

Such is the life of a pantyhose-obsessed crossdresser. I guess it could be worse. I could be obsessed with really expensive shoes.

Goals, Rewards and Personal Growth

Was my last post really in March? I apologize for not posting sooner!

Over the past few days, I've been trying something new. Several months ago, while recounting my passion for crossdressing to myself, I realized that crossdressing is a reward to me, but without any sort of effort. I've simply done it whenever opportunity and desire intersect. This, of course, makes the act of crossdressing, in my mind, a right, rather than a privilege.

The concept to correct this mindset was simple -- I would deny myself any crossdressing time if I didn't complete a certain list of tasks. It seems like a great plan, right? It was a great plan, but I ended up mentally skipping over the tasks and crossdressing whenever I chose, as always. I have lost count of how many times I swore to myself I would carry this out, only to regress the very same day or soon after. That is, until this week.

If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you understand that I have a very intimate and personal relationship with sheer hosiery, pantyhose specifically. I love pantyhose. No, seriously. I especially love wearing pantyhose to sleep. Something about it makes me sleep better, wake up rested and feel happier overall. I realize that a man wearing pantyhose (particularly to sleep in) is very unusual, but I've been wearing them since I was a child, and I see nothing strange or wrong with it. I love them, am comfortable in them and really like the way they make my legs look.

I've been on a streak of wearing pantyhose to bed every night for the past week. It started Tuesday. Usually, once or twice a week, I'll slip into my favorite pair of Hanes Silk Reflections "silky sheer" just before bed. For some reason, Tuesday was different. On Tuesday, after hitting up the local watering hole for some tacos, I returned home. My lovely fiancee (whom I call "Larissa" - not her real name) was at a concert 2 hours away and I had the entire house to myself, so I seized the opportunity to slip on a pair of panties and my absolute favorite sleepwear (yes, pantyhose!). When I woke up on Wednesday, I felt euphoric to still be wearing my nylons. The euphoria stayed with me all day Wednesday, even at my job, which usually puts me in a foul mood to one degree or another. I attributed my positive mood on Wednesday to sleeping in pantyhose, and decided to do it again. To my delight, I woke up in a great mood again on Thursday, so I did it again and had the same awesome mood when I woke in my nylons on Friday. Now, whether or not my mood was a product of my choice of sleepwear is largely irrelevant. I slept in pantyhose and woke up feeling great 3 days in a row, causing my mind to assume a connection.

Wow! I'm being a bit verbose today, aren't I? Sorry about that, but I'm excited to share.

So where was I? Oh yes, at work on Friday...

One of the perks of my job is that there tend to be long periods of "downtime", during which I can basically do whatever I like. Often, during these slow periods, I sit in my car and journal. On Thursday, I was doing just that, putting pen to paper, writing out my stream of consciousness. I recounted how much I had enjoyed sleeping in my silky hosiery, and how I would wear them 24/7 if I could get away with it. At this point I realized that wearing pantyhose has become an addiction, albeit a harmless one. I decided at that moment to turn that addiction into a motivating force.

As I mentioned above, I've committed many times to deny myself the pleasure of crossdressing unless I "kicked ass" on my to-do list, and just as many times I've failed spectacularly to do so. This time would be different, I thought. This time I would follow through. Then it happened...

I wrote in my journal a list of 5 tasks I would complete before going to bed on Friday. Nothing too difficult, but 5 tasks that would take real focused effort to complete in the 3 hours between work and sleep. I also wrote that my reward for completing these 5 tasks would be the privilege of wearing panties and pantyhose for the rest of the night, and the penalty for falling short, even a tiny bit, would be to spend the rest of the night in my boring "male" clothes. I let myself get very amped up about the tasks, the reward and the cost of failure. Then I went home and became a man possessed. I spent 2.5 of my 3 hours hustling around the house, ticking off my tasks one by one, until they were all finished. The prospect of putting on my favorite legwear drove me to finish every single task, and the reward was very sweet, to say the least. I slept like a baby and woke up in a tremendous mood yet again.

Buoyed by my productivity on Friday, I journaled again while at work on Saturday. Another 5 tasks, and again the promise of spending the rest of the night in silky nylon bliss if I complete them all. This time, however, I added an extra bonus. If I completed all my tasks each day for 3 days straight, I would allow myself to indulge in a "full-on femme day" on Monday (today, woohoo!). Long story short, I destroyed tasks Saturday and Sunday, slept in pantyhose both nights and am, at this very moment, minutes away from bringing Marika fully out of her cage for the entire day.

I crushed my tasks, now I'm rewarding myself. Time to write down my tasks for today...

Girls' Night Out and a Makeup Fail

Has it really been 3 months since I posted to this blog? Bad girl!

Anyway, I took another trip to the local gay club to enjoy yet another drag performance (it's ever so slightly habit-forming). This time, I actually spent some money on trying to look feminine. New wig, expensive makeup (bought by my beloved Larissa) and even a brand new dress!

And the makeup fail

So I was playing with a new eyeshadow palette I bought, thinking orange and blue would somehow look good together...

Please don't mind the hair on my cleavage...I didn't think it was thick enough to show. So the eyeshadow didn't look very glam, but I really like the way this wig frames my face and simply adore this foundation / concealer (It Cosmetics "Bye Bye Undereye").

That's all for this post, folks! Feel free to comment or share this blog with your friends!

Until next time, stay pretty!

Silly Sauce

Happy New Year!

So I posted a photo of my lovely dress, and my glossy legs, but I didn't talk about the doctor visit! Doh!

I apologize for being so air-headed. Sometimes my male life insists on intruding. My fiancee and I hosted the annual Christmas gathering at our house, and preparing for that consumed all my free time right up until Christmas day.

Anyhoo...

My intention was to go to the doctor in full girl mode. However, when the alarm went off, I hit the snooze button. Then I hit it again. And again...until I had just enough time to get showered, dressed and get out the door in time for my appointment. I didn't have time to put together a shirt, skirt, shoes, jewelry, do makeup, put on a wig, etc. So I just put on some panties, Hanes Perfect Nudes pantyhose, jeans, a t-shirt and my beloved Trina block-heel sandals.

Honestly, walking into the clinic in those sandals, with my polished toenails on full display beneath my nearly-invisible hosiery made me a little nervous. I forgot how to walk in heels, so I was lumbering around like a drunken fool.

Somehow, I managed to get to the receptionist desk and check in for my appointment. Then I sat down in the waiting area and passed the time by taking a photo of my shoes to show the world I was out in public wearing such obviously feminine footwear. Wanna see it? Oh, alright.

The clinic's carpet is UGLY!

Back to the appointment! After noticing a couple of my fellow patients taking an unusual interest in the carpet in front of my chair, the nurse came out and called me in. Well, here goes...lumbering on my heels once again, trying not to look too ridiculous in the process, I made it to the exam room and took a seat. The nurse checked my vitals, asked me questions about my medications, and left the room to fetch the doctor. Sweet, right? Well, it gets weird in a just a bit...

The doctor, a 20-something 2nd-year intern, was very pleasant, and noticed my odd attire straight away. She told me she liked the color of my nail polish ("Can't Hear Myself Pink!" by OPI). The only question she asked was whether I always wear high heels. At the time, it didn't occur to me that she was concerned about my posture, etc. I thought she was just curious. Anyway, I told her I only wear heels on my days off from my job, and even then not every day.

Since this was a diabetic exam, she wanted to examine my feet. I hadn't anticipated this, either. None of my previous physicians have done this. She lamented the fact that I was wearing stockings, but shrugged it off and just worked around them. All in all, not too weird, or so I thought. Here comes the weird bit.

The doctor disappears, then returns with the staff psychologist, a very friendly South American man with a very thick accent. It took me a while to understand him, but the basic gist was, am I trans? Or more to the point, what pronouns did I prefer? This knocked me for a loop, as I'm sure I'm not the first male patient they've seen wearing hose, heels or nail polish. I told them I still consider myself male, and prefer male pronouns, at least while I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Maybe next time I'll actually wear a dress and see what they do...

When all was said and done, I walked out of the clinic intact. I'm sure the doctors and nurses had a chuckle or two at my expense after the fact, but I don't mind. When you make an oddity of yourself, you have to expect people to fall back to their deeply ingrained defense mechanisms. Most often, laughter and ridicule suffice. If that's the price I have to pay for being my genuine self, I'm ready.

What does the future hold?

So glad I asked!

This week, I'm supposed to go get blood drawn for my next doctor appointment, but I'm going to cancel it because I haven't been taking my meds regularly and I haven't been controlling my diet, at all. Bad Marika! Bad!

I'm off work Friday & Saturday, and Larissa is leaving town for an overnight visit on Saturday morning. Normally, that would be cause for planning some shenanigans, but there's a catch: We're throwing a birthday party for my sister Friday night. Not that it matters. There won't be any shenanigans while Larissa is in town. What's more, Gail won't be available Saturday to do anything. I would love to go to the club we went to in September on Saturday, but I have to be at work at 7:00 Sunday morning. I suppose I could make an early night of it and just spend Saturday putting on makeup and futzing around in my femme finery. That's probably what I'll do. If I decide to go to the club, I'll go early, drink soda and leave by 11:00. I just wish I had a partner to go with me! Going out with a friend is nerve wracking enough. Doing it alone may drive me bonkers.

To that end, I've just purchased a nu-bra (to create some fake cleavage) and a 3-pack of push-up bras (to wear with my boobie pads finish the effect). Hopefully, my makeup practice will yield some results and I won't look like a party clown stepping out into the big world Saturday evening. I already know what I want to wear...the blue cold-shoulder dress I bought a few months ago (which normally would be WAY too short, but screw it, I'll wear some panties under it or something), black fishnets over my CdR Super Lucido tights, a pair of cute jacket earrings Larissa gave me for Christmas and my black wedge booties. I may "borrow" one of Larissa's necklaces for the evening, if I can find one I feel compliments my outfit. I wonder if a pair of white socks with some frilly lace at the ankle would be appropriate. Or if I even still own a pair. If not, Walmart is my friend.

More updates on the outfit and makeup I plan to wear Saturday will be forthcoming...